Author: Ashley

Parenting stories, fashion (mostly pants), and NYC life. No mommy wars and no bummers.

Pretend Frozen

My daughter was lying on my bed staring at the wall.
“Mommy, I’m watching Frozen. Did you know that’s a movie?”
“Really? I’ve never heard of that. Sounds like a pretend movie to me.”
“No it isn’t, my friend at school said she saw it!”
“I dunno, are you sure she didn’t make it up? That doesn’t sound like a real movie.”
“I’m watching pretend Frozen!”
Hmmmm, wonder how long I can keep this one going.

Pirate’s Booty

Sometimes when I give my daughter Pirate’s Booty for a snack she says, “Pirate’s Booty? Why don’t they call it Pirate’s BUTT? Mommy can I have some more BUTT please?” and laughs so hard at her own joke that she falls off the chair. Other times she sits calmly and talks to me, and says things like, “Mommy, did you know that a camel with only one hump is called a dromedary?” and it seems like she’s 30 years old. I never know which it’s going to be, but I love both.

The Barf Movie

My daughter just said, “My favorite movie is “Barf.” It’s an old movie, so it looks like a TV show. First the Incredible Hulk barfs in the toilet. Then a baseball player barfs on a pumpkin. Haha! It’s such a funny movie!” Then she went in the bathroom and while she was in there I heard her talking to herself about it. She said, “The Incredible Hulk doesn’t barf! Haha! That’s so crazy!” Then she came out and said there was another movie called “New Movie About Old Books,” where people sit around reading old books. Do I have any connections to big time Hollywood producers? If so she would like to set up a meeting. Thanks.

The Secret

A lady was walking next to me on the sidewalk. She said, “Your kids are beautiful, I wish mine were still that small!”
“Aww. How old are yours?”
“31. I’m a grandma now.”
“Well I hear that’s pretty great too!”
The lady looks around like she’s afraid someone will hear what she’s about to say, then whispers, “You love your grandkids MORE. Don’t ever tell anyone I said that.”
I knew it!