Passive-Aggressive Lullaby

“Please don’t kick mommy in the faaaace, I really hate it, I’m sorry, I still love you thouuuuuuugh.”
*kick
“You’re just so big and strong, and I know it isn’t your faaaaaaault, but if you keep kicking me I’ll have to stop nursing you and I know that would be saaaaaad.”
*kick
“All my shirts and bras are ripped up from you pulling on theeeeeem, when you stop breastfeeding I’m going to dress so cute you have no ideaaaaaa.”
*kick
“I love you so much and know I should be enjoyiiiiiiing these precious moments like everyone says after their kids are growwwwwwwn.”
*kick
“But people who say that probably haven’t spent half their dayyyyyy being kicked in the face by a baby gorillaaaaaa.”
*kick
-My slightly passive-aggressive lullaby to my large 1 year-old son as I nurse him to sleep (sort of to the tune of Rock-a-Bye Baby)

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