Passive-Aggressive Lullaby

“Please don’t kick mommy in the faaaace, I really hate it, I’m sorry, I still love you thouuuuuuugh.”
“You’re just so big and strong, and I know it isn’t your faaaaaaault, but if you keep kicking me I’ll have to stop nursing you and I know that would be saaaaaad.”
“All my shirts and bras are ripped up from you pulling on theeeeeem, when you stop breastfeeding I’m going to dress so cute you have no ideaaaaaa.”
“I love you so much and know I should be enjoyiiiiiiing these precious moments like everyone says after their kids are growwwwwwwn.”
“But people who say that probably haven’t spent half their dayyyyyy being kicked in the face by a baby gorillaaaaaa.”
-My slightly passive-aggressive lullaby to my large 1 year-old son as I nurse him to sleep (sort of to the tune of Rock-a-Bye Baby)

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