Ketchup: The Blood of Satan?

My husband is a very patient, understanding father who tries his best to take our children’s feelings into account when making decisions about their lives. Except when it comes to putting ketchup on certain meat products. I first suspected his prejudice one day when my daughter came in from the kitchen where he was cooking and innocently asked, “Mommy, why does this family never put ketchup on steak in this house ever and that’s final?” I was packing her lunch for school this morning and asked her, “Do you want mustard on your salami sandwich today?” She clearly didn’t think her father could hear, and whispered, “ketchup.” Before she could even get the word out he walked in quickly and said in a very serious yet disappointed tone, “NO. We do not put ketchup on salami. You know that.” I had a vision of our future. “I love your new tattoo sweetie, you did such a great job designing that. But…what’s that? That red stuff in the corner of your mouth? I can’t believe you would disappoint us like this after all we’ve done for you. You better have been eating french fries, that’s all I have to say.”

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One thought on “Ketchup: The Blood of Satan?

  1. As a Ketchup connoisseur (a title given to me by my family & friends):
    – Ketchup IS allowed on steak, burgers and other beef products if there is no sauce or gravy. (Sorry Evan – a really good steak may not need it, but other cuts may.)
    – Ketchup IS NOT appropriate on most pork products (children and hot dogs are the exception- although i don’t get it!) Ketchup used in a barbecue or other sauce IS allowed.
    – Ketchup mixed with mayo IS allowed on poultry, but only if combined.
    – Ketchup IS NOT appropriate on pasta.
    – Ketchup mixed with horseradish or tartar sauce IS allowed on fish, otherwise not.
    – There are also recipes that use Ketchup and that IS allowed.
    and finally- and probably the most controversial… HEINZ should be the ketchup of choice!
    (This does seem to be influenced by region – south & mid-west seem to be more Hunt’s fans.)

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