Moms Have Enough Dirty Spoons in Their Lives


This whole fake earth friendly “clean spoons / dirty spoons” system in fancy coffee shops has got to stop. It’s gross. It’s not like I’m a germaphobe or anything, I mean I live in New York City, there’s just a huge, pointless icky factor to the whole thing. I won’t call out anyone specifically, but let’s call them Red Bottle. Hey Red Bottle, giving us a tiny wooden stick to stir our coffee with like civilized human beings would probably use just as much energy or whatever than washing all those spoons all the time. And TRUE STORY, once at Smorgasburg they were handing out ice cream samples on tiny silver spoons with the same not at all adorable “dirty / clean” system, and the lady in front of me ACCIDENTALLY TOOK ONE OF THE DIRTY SPOONS AND STARTED EATING HER ICE CREAM WITH IT. I’ve replayed that moment time and time again in my head. It was like I was watching her do it in slow motion, and couldn’t get the words, “Stop, that has someone’s old ice cream backwash on it!” out of my mouth fast enough. By the time I fully understood what I was seeing, it was too late. I felt that I had failed mankind in some way. So Red Bottle, I implore you as a trendsetter in the coffee world, just get the little sticks already. You can even chop down your own outsourced organic tree to do it. Sure, there will still be those grime-filled crevices you can see between the subway elevator and the glass that has never been cleaned, and toilets that flush automatically while you’re sitting on them, but the power to eliminate just a tiny bit of the world’s grossness lies in your hands. Use it.

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