Moms Take FOREVER To Get Dressed


Mom, 4:39 am:
Hears toddler saying, “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mooooommy. Mommy! MOMMY!”
Distributes morning hugs.
Makes coffee.
Unloads dishwasher.
Goes to fill sippy cup.
It looks a little crusty, better wash it.
Washes it.
Looks in fridge. How are we out of bread?
Packs lunch for school.
Searches the cabinet for some kind of fun treat to make up for the heel-only sandwich.
Glances at pile of mail on the kitchen counter. We only have a week left to renew our health insurance. That’s always a whole thing.
Chooses outfits for kids.
Checks weather.
Chooses different outfits.
Sniffs daughter’s sweater.
Gets the Febreze (please don’t tell anyone I spray my children with chemicals).
Mentally reviews Trader Joe’s With Stroller And Toddler plan of attack for later, precisely mapping out which subway stop has the elevator, noting that the line going back downtown is under construction so you need to give yourself extra time to get back before your oldest child gets out of school. Isn’t that a funny saying, “give yourself extra time?” As if everyone has a magic time wand to be used in case of emergencies? Poof! Now I have an extra hour that did not exist before. God I love my magic time wand.
Hears older child waking up. “MOMMY! COME GET MEEEEEEEEE!”
Suddenly gets pulled toward the window by a small person yelling, “Garbage truck! Digger! Bus!”
He is upset that he missed seeing the bus he just heard outside. To cheer him up and / or distract him you start singing, “Wheels On The Bus.”
Instead you become the distracted one as you stop singing and think, “This song is kind of outdated. It seems like it would be called ‘Wheels On The Hybrid Bus’ or ‘Wheels On The Bike’ by now.”
More crying.
You notice that you still aren’t dressed.

Dad, strolling in while checking his email:
“It always takes you so long to get dressed.”

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