Month: February 2016

Sexy Valentine’s Day Lingerie

V

Nothing screams Valentine’s Day more than oversized gray t-shirts.

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Michelle Obama is My Favorite Person

Did you guys see that interview with the Obamas yesterday before the Superbowl where Michelle kept joking about the “champagne room” in the White House? It totally reinforced her title as My Favorite Person Ever. Each time she said it my husband and I would crack up, and our 4 year-old would ask, “What’s so funny?” We sort of ignored her at first, but by the third time she demanded, “MOMMY! DADDY! WHAT IS SO FUNNY?” I said, “Michelle Obama was just making a joke that we thought was funny.” She wasn’t having it. “What was the joke? Why was it funny? What’s a champagne room?” I had to think fast. “She was talking about how she names the rooms in her house. And one she named the champagne room. Isn’t that funny?” The rest of the night our daughter kept saying, “Champagne room! I want to go to the champagne room!” I kind of hope she says it at school today.

Snot

My daughter was leaving to go stay at her grandparents’ house for the weekend. I knew I wouldn’t see her for a couple of days, so I wanted to make our goodbye special.
“Sweetie, I love you so much, and hope you have the best time ever. Grandma and Grandpa love you so much too. They can’t wait to play with you. I bet Grandma made meatballs for you, she knows you love those. Is there a special book you’d like to take to read tonight before bed?”
“Mommy,” she said with a loving smile, “Can I blow my nose into your shirt?”
Did she even hear me, or was she just thinking about blowing her nose into my shirt the whole time? Don’t answer that.

Momma Vs. MoMA

sketchy

It’s the last week to see the Picasso sculptures at the MoMA, so obviously we had to skip school for it. The lady checking tickets gave each of my kids a tiny sketchbook and golf pencil on the way in. My daughter immediately sat on the floor in front of a large wooden sculpture and started drawing, as there is nothing she loves more than a “project.” After about ten minutes, a guard with one of those mouth breathing party pooper faces came over and said, “No sketching on the floor, sorry.” I asked, “Why did they give her a sketchbook then?” He got very red and flustered. “Well…can she sketch standing up? This is really a rule! I’ll show you.” I just stared at him while my oblivious daughter worked happily. He frantically flipped through some sort of brochure he had pulled out of his pocket. Did he have a rule book in there? Weird. I inched away from him slowly. She sketched for another half hour. I guess he never found what he was looking for. It was a great day.

Baby CrossFit Instructor

quinoa

My daughter has a pretend mommy named Nina. One day a few weeks ago she said, “Mommy!” and I said, “Yes sweetie?” and she said, “No, not you, I’m talking to my pretend mommy, Nina.” And that was that. Around the same time my 1 year-old started waking up every morning saying something that also sounded a lot like, “Nina! Nina!” For a couple of days I was worried I had lost both of my children to the elusive Nina, until one morning when he went to the fridge and got out my dumb, pricey quiona and berry superfood salad. My husband said, “OH! I get it now. This whole time he’s been saying ‘QUINOA!’ Well, at least he still thinks you’re his mom.” Now he eats a whole container of quinoa salad every day like some sort of baby CrossFit instructor, and wakes up every morning shouting “QUINOA! QUINOA!” Yeah sure I guess he’s healthy and all, but he’s also eating all my adult snacks I bought because I thought I would have them all to myself, because what child is that interested in quinoa salad? Just ask for an Eggo once in a while, kid. Your mom is hungry.