It’s my daughter’s winter break from preschool, and I was excited to do some fun cultural activities with her in the few days she had off. Last night I asked her, “What do you want to do tomorrow? We have the whole day free!”
Immediately she replied, “Go to Starbucks!”
“Oh. Well I mean, if you could do anything you wanted in the whole city what would you do?”
She thought for a minute longer. “Hmmm…oh I know! Go to Taco Bell!”
I figured she was just tired, and would have a better answer the next day. Maybe a museum, or the library or something. But she didn’t. When she was getting dressed this morning she said, “Better put on my Starbucks outfit!”
Ahh New York, where there are virtually thousands of educationally stimulating activities available at your fingertips. Bad coffee. Bean burritos. The possibilities are endless.

I was drinking out of this mug and my daughter said, “What is that girl doing?”
I said, “She’s crying. She’s also laughing. Well not really laughing, but she’s overwhelmed with emotion. She’s excited and scared at the same time, so she’s making a weird face.”
“WOW. I don’t think that’s ever happened to me. Whoa.”
Who knew Jesse Spano’s caffeine pill meltdown could be a lesson in complex human emotions?

Every time my toddler sees this ad on the subway he points and yells, “Mommy! Daddy!”

I love this because it’s kind of really sad, and kind of really funny, and kind of really mysterious. The handwriting is so good that it almost looks like an adult wrote it. Maybe the mom took a photo of their baby holding it and sent it to the dad who is on a business trip. But if that’s the case then she definitely should have written “I miss you daddy!” with an exclamation point instead of a sad face. I mean, if someone sent that to me I would start feeling super guilty for leaving. Maybe it’s a cue card for a movie they were filming to remind the child actor to make a sad face when he says the line, “I miss you daddy.” It could even be an adult kid in their 30’s just being a jerk to their dad. But if it’s actually from a kid to their dad and it’s in the garbage ON TOP of the garbage like that, then it’s just plain amazing.

My daughter is at the age where she asks lots of questions about everything, but most of them make me totally rethink reality and it’s starting to mess with my head. For example, before bed at night we like to look at the map on her bedroom wall and talk about different countries and last night she said, “That’s Greenland. That’s Africa. That’s the North Pole. That’s the West Pole.” I said, “You mean the South Pole. There isn’t a West Pole.” Not only did I not have a good answer as to why there are no East and West Poles, but it started to bother me later on when I was trying to go to sleep. Who cares that there is no East or West axis, those directions deserve recognition too! Then this morning she was practicing her letters and asked me how to spell the name “Nina” (her pretend mom). After I spelled it out for her she said, “The letter I looks the same as the number 1. How do you know that some people with I’s in their name aren’t spelling it with a number 1?” And again, I suddenly wasn’t sure! I mean look at Prince. There are probably more people like that! And yesterday I was unpacking a new fire extinguisher to put in the kitchen, and she asked “What’s that for?” After I explained what it was, without missing a beat she said, “But what about lava? What do we do in case of lava?” I told her only people who live close to volcanoes have to worry about lava. But then I wondered, “Wow, what is the protocol for that? Do they have volcano drills in schools?” At least that one was easy to look up. My google search history is hilarious right now.

Nothing screams Valentine’s Day more than oversized gray t-shirts.

Did you guys see that interview with the Obamas yesterday before the Superbowl where Michelle kept joking about the “champagne room” in the White House? It totally reinforced her title as My Favorite Person Ever. Each time she said it my husband and I would crack up, and our 4 year-old would ask, “What’s so funny?” We sort of ignored her at first, but by the third time she demanded, “MOMMY! DADDY! WHAT IS SO FUNNY?” I said, “Michelle Obama was just making a joke that we thought was funny.” She wasn’t having it. “What was the joke? Why was it funny? What’s a champagne room?” I had to think fast. “She was talking about how she names the rooms in her house. And one she named the champagne room. Isn’t that funny?” The rest of the night our daughter kept saying, “Champagne room! I want to go to the champagne room!” I kind of hope she says it at school today.

My daughter was leaving to go stay at her grandparents’ house for the weekend. I knew I wouldn’t see her for a couple of days, so I wanted to make our goodbye special.
“Sweetie, I love you so much, and hope you have the best time ever. Grandma and Grandpa love you so much too. They can’t wait to play with you. I bet Grandma made meatballs for you, she knows you love those. Is there a special book you’d like to take to read tonight before bed?”
“Mommy,” she said with a loving smile, “Can I blow my nose into your shirt?”
Did she even hear me, or was she just thinking about blowing her nose into my shirt the whole time? Don’t answer that.

It’s the last week to see the Picasso sculptures at the MoMA, so obviously we had to skip school for it. The lady checking tickets gave each of my kids a tiny sketchbook and golf pencil on the way in. My daughter immediately sat on the floor in front of a large wooden sculpture and started drawing, as there is nothing she loves more than a “project.” After about ten minutes, a guard with one of those mouth breathing party pooper faces came over and said, “No sketching on the floor, sorry.” I asked, “Why did they give her a sketchbook then?” He got very red and flustered. “Well…can she sketch standing up? This is really a rule! I’ll show you.” I just stared at him while my oblivious daughter worked happily. He frantically flipped through some sort of brochure he had pulled out of his pocket. Did he have a rule book in there? Weird. I inched away from him slowly. She sketched for another half hour. I guess he never found what he was looking for. It was a great day.

My daughter has a pretend mommy named Nina. One day a few weeks ago she said, “Mommy!” and I said, “Yes sweetie?” and she said, “No, not you, I’m talking to my pretend mommy, Nina.” And that was that. Around the same time my 1 year-old started waking up every morning saying something that also sounded a lot like, “Nina! Nina!” For a couple of days I was worried I had lost both of my children to the elusive Nina, until one morning when he went to the fridge and got out my dumb, pricey quiona and berry superfood salad. My husband said, “OH! I get it now. This whole time he’s been saying ‘QUINOA!’ Well, at least he still thinks you’re his mom.” Now he eats a whole container of quinoa salad every day like some sort of baby CrossFit instructor, and wakes up every morning shouting “QUINOA! QUINOA!” Yeah sure I guess he’s healthy and all, but he’s also eating all my adult snacks I bought because I thought I would have them all to myself, because what child is that interested in quinoa salad? Just ask for an Eggo once in a while, kid. Your mom is hungry.